There was a time in my life when I gave up. I gave up on friends, family, and myself. I don’t even know when or how it happened to be honest. There was just one day that I decided I was done. I was done with trying to be a friend to backstabbers. Done trying to figure out why no one in my family cared about me. (At least that’s how I felt) Done with trying to “force” people to love me. I decided I was unlovable and no one truly cared about me. Too many people in my life just used me, and the people that I truly loved, showed me no love in return. And I was tired of being sad about it. I was tired of being hurt and disappointed. So I gave up. I hardly spoke to anyone in my family, and I didn’t have any real friends. It took a while of being mistreated and used, even abused by people before I truly caught on, but when I did finally “get it” I was done with them, for good. I grew to have such a pessimistic attitude and personality that there were times things weren’t what I imagined them to be and people did care, but I blew them off based on my own fears.
After many years of mistrust, heartache, and sadness, I finally let God in. Then slowly God would begin to do a life-changing work in me. Sometimes He has had to show me things over and over again through scripture or preaching. Other times things would come up in a conversation, and answers or solutions would come up, but I would need confirmation after confirmation because I wasn’t quite sure I could trust the first solution. No matter how long or how many times God has tried to reach me, He has never given up on me. No matter how many times I would betray Him by not obeying His word or guidance, and no matter how long it took for me to change, He continued to pursue me with His undying love. I would realize that I needed to make some changes and start working on making those changes, and little by little I began to trust again. God has showed me that sometimes damaged people will damage people, and I didn’t want to stay damaged. It’s taken some time but I’m better, stronger, and a more trusting person today than I have ever been. I'm so grateful that for God, giving up is not an option.
1 John 4:18